Reflections in the Water
by Josephine Falnor
Summary: This was what it meant to love Russia. The constant pain was something she had grown used to over time, but despite expecting it, it was still physically and emotionally draining." Fem!China. No historical accuracy whatsoever.


_**Author's Note: Hello again! Yes, this is another fem!China fanfiction. Yes, I understand China is a man, but I don't really care. In my head, he's a girl (because he's so pretty as a girl!) **_

_**Basically, this is taking place after a UN meeting that Lithuania showed up to. Russia is still angry that Toris left him for America (obviously.) Of course, he couldn't really attack Lithuania in front of the other nations, so he sort of took out his anger on China…yeah…**_

_**No, I don't condone violence, especially not in relationships. It's just how this fic ended up. They sort of write themselves, as I'm sure you authors can understand.**_

_**Also, as with most of my Hetalia fics, this is based loosely on an RP I'm doing with Catherine Wheels. Fem!China/Russia, and the problems with their relationship. Ah, how this inspires me…**_

_**Thanks for reading!**_

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Yao sunk down into the water and re-emerged a few seconds later, her eyes closed. She tried not to focus on the sore parts of her body, but even the chilling temperature of the lake at night couldn't do more than dull the aches.

She slowly relaxed as she tried to remember what had led Russia to hurt her. The meeting had started out normally, and there hadn't been any problems, at least, not until Lithuania walked in with America. China hadn't expected Toris to show up knowing Ivan would be there, but she was able to guess that Russia would be upset.

Unfortunately, she hadn't been able to get away from Ivan fast enough, and he'd taken his anger out on her. The result was several bruises covering her entire body, and emotional damage which, if possible, was worse.

This was what it meant to love Russia. The constant pain was something she had grown used to over time, but despite expecting it, it was still physically and emotionally draining.

China turned in the water and looked up at the moon. Even after all these years, the moon still reminded her of Japan.

Kiku…he had been another failed attempt at raising a nation. Yao had tried so hard not to make the same mistake with him that she had made with Ivan…whatever that had been. She didn't know where she'd gone wrong with either of them; what she'd done to make them leave.

Of course, she couldn't forget that Russia _had_ come back to her, even if it had taken thousands of years. China had no doubt that Ivan loved her, but that knowledge didn't keep her from feeling the pain he caused her.

"China? You're out here, da?"

Yao had been lost in her thoughts when she suddenly heard Russia's voice. Her first instinct was to stay quiet until Russia left, then run. She could tell from Ivan's tone though that he knew full well that she was there. That simply meant that he wouldn't leave until she responded to him, whether she did so voluntarily, or he had to force a response from her. Honestly, it was probably better for her to respond of her own volition.

"What is it, Russia, aru?" China replied, her voice quiet. At this point, she couldn't gage how Russia was feeling, but she was prepared to at least defend herself if Ivan attacked.

"China, gosling, what are you doing out here? It's cold, da?" You should come inside with me," Russia said, his voice gentle. It put China at ease.

"I'm alright, aru. The water isn't too cold," China said. She wasn't quite ready to go in yet, especially since it would most likely lead to Russia being close to her.

"Yao, please come inside. I'm lonely without you," Russia said, his voice getting closer.

"Please, Ivan, I just need some time, aru. I'll be in soon. You should go and try to get some sleep, aru." China really just wished Russia would leave her alone for now. It wasn't a matter of forgiveness, considering that she'd already forgiven him. No, she just needed time, and she didn't want Russia to know just how much he'd damaged her. It only ever served to upset him, and she preferred to keep him happy. It wasn't like knowing how much he could hurt her would make him hold back the next time he got angry and lost control. He never knew what he was doing when he got angry.

China could hear the water moving, but there wasn't any wind.

"I'm not tired, and I can handle the cold water just fine, gosling," Russia said gently, his voice almost unnervingly close.

China turned around and saw Ivan only a few feet away. Unconsciously, she started to step back, trying to put distance between herself and the other nation.

Ivan closed the gap between them easily, and gently touched a few strands of China's hair, his fingers brushing against her cheek as he did so. Yao trembled slightly, whimpering at the slight pressure on one of the bruises on her face.

"Yao, is something wrong?" Russia asked, his voice filled with concern. "Why are you shaking, my gosling?"

China hesitated before answering, slowly moving her hand to hold Russia's.

"Ivan, you…you aren't still angry, are you, aru?" Yao asked carefully.

"Why would I be angry with you?" Russia asked, genuinely surprised.

"Not with me exactly, aru," China replied quietly, looking down at the water. "You were angry at Lithuania earlier, aru." She just hoped that mentioning Toris wouldn't be a mistake she would end up regretting.

Russia was quiet for a moment, before carefully touching China's face again, taking care not to hurt the smaller nation. "Oh, China, my sweet Yao…I'm so sorry. You believe me, da? You know I didn't intend to hurt you…you were just…you were close, da, and I lashed out. I'm not angry with you, gosling, and…and I'm sorry, da. I'm so sorry, Yao…"

China looked up at Russia again, and saw how sincere he was. It helped her stay calm, and it kept her from moving away from him again.

"Russia, aru…I know you weren't angry with me earlier, but that doesn't change what you did. I…I can't help but be a little scared of you after something like that." She really did hate to say that to Ivan, but what good would lying do her at this point?

Russia's face fell as China spoke, but he didn't move away. Gently, he took Yao's hand in both of his, holding it carefully. After a moment, he tightened his hold on it, almost desperately.

"You want to leave me because of this, da?" His voice was shaky, and he gripped the smaller nation's hand tighter, almost as though he intended to break the fragile bones in her fingers.

China stayed still though, despite the pain in her hand. "Russia, I'm not going to leave you, aru," she said, her voice gentle as she spoke. "I just needed some time, and the cold water felt nice, and I-" she broke off, not wanting to say that she was scared that he would be angry again.

"What is it, Yao? What won't you tell me?" Russia asked, not loosening his hold.

"I…didn't want you to hurt me again, aru…" Her sentence came out as hardly more than a whisper, and she looked down again, trying to ignore the tears forming in her eyes.

Russia was completely still and silent for a long moment, before letting go of China's hand, and wrapping his arms around her as carefully as he could. Yao winced, but didn't pull away.

"Ivan, I'm not going anywhere, aru. I promise you that."

Russia held her a little tighter. "I don't want to lose you like I lost Toris, da…" His voice walk almost childlike in a way that reminded China of when Russia had been a little boy. It was the same sort of voice he'd used when he'd lost a toy when he was younger. The memory made Yao smile, and she carefully moved to wrap her arms around Ivan, holding him as well as she could.

"Ivan, I'm not Lithuania, aru," she said simply.

Russia considered that a moment. Satisfied with the reasoning, he loosened his hold on China, and moved back slightly to see her better. His eyes wandered over the marks he had left on her in his rage. Slowly, he began to meet her eyes again, and he smiled as he discovered that he could see their warmth, despite the fact that the only light came from the moon.

China, on the other hand, had become painfully aware of the fact that neither she nor Russia had any clothes on. She began to blush pink, then red as Ivan looked her over.

"It…it's cold, aru," she mumbled, before heading back to where she'd left her clothes.

Russia wrapped his arms around China as she tried to go, pulling her close, her back against his chest.

China was shivering slightly, but Ivan really did feel warm, so close to her skin. She gave up on trying to leave, and instead leaned into his hold.

"I don't mean to hurt you," Russia murmured, bending his head and letting his lips press again Yao's shoulder. "You're just…you're so close, and there's no one else to direct my anger towards." His voice was apologetic as he continued to keep his lips against China's skin.

"I can understand the reasons, aru," China replied softly. "It doesn't make me hurt any less though," she added, gently running her fingertips along Russia's arm. "I can handle the physical pain, aru. It's not that. It hurts more to be scared of you, aru."

"I'll try to do better, da? For you, I'll try," Ivan said gently, kissing Yao's cheek.

China turned her head so her lips could meet Russia's. "I know you will, aru," she whispered, closing her eyes. "I really do love you, aru," she added a moment later. "I always have."

Russia was quiet for a moment considering different responses. He thought about begging her to forgive him for how much he had hurt her, or telling her over and over how much he loved and needed her. He decided instead to stay calm, not wanting to ruin the moment.

"I love you, my gosling…my Yao."


End file.
